letters to koinobori 鯉幟の手紙

who says?

2011-05-15T12:46:00.001-07:00

sitting in my bedroom doing what i do best...completing tasks at the last minute. Not that it's not good, in fact i amaze myself with the work i come up with at these ungodly hours, but it takes a toll on ones health...really tiring after that and all i wanna do is just sleep away my life like how i always do every weekend off i get. It sucks...i mean you get a weekend off and it's suppose to be used for more meaningful things like exercise, go out with friends and family or organize things in life but no..i am juz too freaking tired to get out of bed...it's a battle with ur own will really to pick urself out of bed and into the showers...my whole body tells me to enjoy those 250 thread count of bedspread while i can...it's funny
in about one and a half months i'll be "graduating" as a houseman...actually i've been dreading it. for one i am unsure where i will go..not that i worry about the prospect of doing something that i might not like but it is the fact that i am not in the know that kills me. NO..i am not a control freak..but it soothes me to know and be able to prepare...after all my life is all about preparation...
i am no longer head over heels for this girl anymore...at least i try to convince myself that i am not...it was never meant to be anyway. There were too many obstacles. too few things going our way. sigh. but what is new? i mean my love life has never taken off anyways..so what is another blunder gonna do to that streak, eh?
one more week in a&e. i have to think of a way to survive it...seems like anything i do is wrong..wrong to the patient, wrong to my MO...i dunno anymore...it feels like a guilt trip and i hate those. How can i get out of that viscious cycle...beats me
i need that vacation...at least i have put my feet down on the tickets...so yes..i am so looking forward to this june...it will be a great gift to myself too..i hope...
until then...just have to pray that i dun freak out from the constant stress that is my life..BLEH

i juz wanna drift away

2011-03-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

in the last posting of my housemanship and i can't help but feel a little anxious about the prospect of becoming an MO which is silly cause it will inevitably be another mandatory transition in life...but i am that type of neurotic person...no matter how i much i want to change that part of me, i can't.
Besides coming to terms with changes in career, i am also feeling really lost about the matters of the heart. why must it be so difficult? so yeah...have been haunted by all these negativities..that i know is self inflicted. I just need something, a sign you know to tell me i dun have to worry so much...sigh
a quarter past optimistic

revival

2010-10-03T04:35:00.000-07:00

this is an old blog of mine...one that i have neglected for many months because i was busy and didn't have anything to write but more so because i dun feel like writing. I came across a blog lately and it made me remembered to about why i write...and therefore i find myself back here...to write again..FOR ME :)
as to what happened to the old posts...i deleted all of them..because i wanted to stay new...it's juz a recurring thing i do...and so let it be